Sooo. I wasnt gonna write a blog tonight. But Gavin apparently actually likes to read the utter rubbish I write, and he said I should.
Personally I think he just likes the excuse to read something that isnt about Biochemistry. Lol.
But I do like to keep him happy, cos hes pretty awesome. So here we go...
Disclaimer: I have been to the pub to see a band tonight, and had several drinks. I will like, triple check this before I publish it, but I apologise for any spelling mistakes that sneak through... Lol!
My phone usually saves me from those horrible alcohol influenced typos and spelling errors, because I use predictive text, and I can only use words in a dictionary... Haha!
I've had a good couple of days really. Yesterday evening I went out with Mum, Dad and Ryan, we drove up to ashridge and went for a wander. Did plenty of climbing. Well, not sure you can call what I did climbing. I wasnt quite so brave as the boys were. Haha. But still, it was a giggle. I'm sure I'm closer to my parents, just because we all act like idiots together.
And its sooooo pretty up there too, I love it.
Today I went shopping in Harpenden with Liz and Evie. Originally we planned to go look at Wedding cakes for Liz and Ashley, but the shop was closed, typically! So we wandered round the other shops. Lots of clothes and toy shops. Personally, I was with Evie, and prefering the toy shops. =) I'm such a kid at heart.
There was one shop that had this gorgeous wooden castle, and all the little wooden people, and I so wanted it!! And the little wooden train set.
Not sure I can ask for a wooden train set for my 21st Birthday though... Might get some strange looks.
I'd love to be a kid again. Watching Evies little face looking at all the toys, and pretty things. It would be amazing to be that carefree and content again.
ARGH! My arm hurts.
* Just tried to brush my hair... *
Yes, I have the attention span of a goldfish. Or worse.
I woke up this morning, and I've done something strange in my sleep, because my left arm REALLY hurts. I can barely move it without getting really sharp pains shooting up it.
I'm not used to these 'normal' pains.
I can deal with the CF related stuff, but I whine like a bitch about this kind of thing. LOL!
Dad says its a symptom of too much texting... LOL! I say hes just jealous because Gavin and Stiv dont text him... Haha.
Its only like a couple of days til my walk now!!
I'm so excited.
I'm so terrifed.
Haha. I am sure I can do this now though. Powered by adrenalin, determination, and probably Lucozade. ;)
Also, Got my CF Trust Tshirt in the post today. =)
I just hope that I can make Marc proud. He meant so much to me, and had such an impact on the person I am, and the person I will be. I wish there was a better way I could show it.
Miss him, very much.
So, thats my ramblings for tonight.
Love xx
5 May 2011
4 May 2011
Annual Review Results =)
Had my results todayyyy...
All in all, it was better than I expected.
My lung function was the main down point. It has slowly declined over the year, as always. They showed me the graphy thing, its all a bit downhill. =/
BUT, on the other hand, my walk test was really good. The consultant said it was better than expected, for someone with my lung function. So thats always good. And the fact that my oxygen levels are normally pretty good, is another positive.
Just have to hang on to my lung function now. Try to stay in the 40's and not the 30%'s.
My IV requirement is higher than they'd like. But they admitted themselves, that theres not much they can do about that because I cant tolerate most nebulised drugs. Its just a case of doing the best we can.
My liver stuff was all pretty stable from last year. Had a few blips, but my IV requirement means my liver is always gonna suffer a bit.
And somehow, the glucose tolerance test results were actually better than last year!
Apparently overdosing on lucozade is the cure to diabetes... ;) Haha.
I still have 'impaired glucose tolerance', but the fact it was better, and not worse, is always a bonus.
Theyre referring me back to Addenbrookes now, because of my sinuses. Because I complained loudly today about how much pain I'm having. I'm reliant on painkillers, which I dont like. Fun times. Probably gonna mean more surgery eventually. Meh.
As for todays general clinic-ness, my lung function was 44%, which I was quite happy with cos I feel okay. Been started on Steroids and Antihistamines, because I've had a slight cough, but we think that could be more hayfever than anything.
Andddd, providing everything goes to plan, they dont want to see me for SIX WEEKS!!!!!
I'll believe that when I see it... ;)
Gonna have a damn good try though.
Now, time to enjoy my summer! And plot all kinds of fun stuffffff!
xx
All in all, it was better than I expected.
My lung function was the main down point. It has slowly declined over the year, as always. They showed me the graphy thing, its all a bit downhill. =/
BUT, on the other hand, my walk test was really good. The consultant said it was better than expected, for someone with my lung function. So thats always good. And the fact that my oxygen levels are normally pretty good, is another positive.
Just have to hang on to my lung function now. Try to stay in the 40's and not the 30%'s.
My IV requirement is higher than they'd like. But they admitted themselves, that theres not much they can do about that because I cant tolerate most nebulised drugs. Its just a case of doing the best we can.
My liver stuff was all pretty stable from last year. Had a few blips, but my IV requirement means my liver is always gonna suffer a bit.
And somehow, the glucose tolerance test results were actually better than last year!
Apparently overdosing on lucozade is the cure to diabetes... ;) Haha.
I still have 'impaired glucose tolerance', but the fact it was better, and not worse, is always a bonus.
Theyre referring me back to Addenbrookes now, because of my sinuses. Because I complained loudly today about how much pain I'm having. I'm reliant on painkillers, which I dont like. Fun times. Probably gonna mean more surgery eventually. Meh.
As for todays general clinic-ness, my lung function was 44%, which I was quite happy with cos I feel okay. Been started on Steroids and Antihistamines, because I've had a slight cough, but we think that could be more hayfever than anything.
Andddd, providing everything goes to plan, they dont want to see me for SIX WEEKS!!!!!
I'll believe that when I see it... ;)
Gonna have a damn good try though.
Now, time to enjoy my summer! And plot all kinds of fun stuffffff!
xx
2 May 2011
RIP Charmaine xx
As if I needed them, CF has decided to come along and give me even more reasons to do this walk on sunday.
RIP Charmaine xx
Its a harsh reminder, of just why I wanted to do this in the first place. So that this will STOP happening.
So that we can stop losing our friends.
So that parents stop losing their children, and children stop losing their Mummys and Daddys. So that people stop losing their partners, the ones they love, the ones they care about.
Walking for those who cant...
Its a phrase I've kind of adopted the last few weeks, when I think about this. It keeps me focussed, on exactly why I'm doing this. Because I've had my moments when I wonder what on earth I'm thinking of.
And then I think of Marc. And Georgie. And Louis. And Ed. Ally. Jordan. Suzy. Gaz. And the list of people which is just far too long.
I want to walk for all those people we've lost along the way.
And all those people who physically cant anymore. I still can. I'm not reliant on oxygen or a wheelchair yet.
And not just them, but all the families and friends too. Everyone that CF is hurting or has hurt.
In the hope that one day, this will all be over. One day, CF wont be able to hurt anyone.
I know 10km/6 miles isnt THAT far, in comparison to marathons, and people who climb mountains and stuff. But to me, with my lungs, its practically a mountain. With a lung function that sits between 35-45%, it makes a big difference.
http://www.justgiving.com/Danielle-Canavan0
Thankyou, to everyone that has sponsored us so far. People have been amazing. =)
I'll leave you with a few pictures from Ashridge.
Drove up with Ryan today, so he knows where hes going at the weekend when he takes me and Danni.
Note to all Sat Nav users: Sat Navs LIE. Lol.
Love xx
RIP Charmaine xx
Its a harsh reminder, of just why I wanted to do this in the first place. So that this will STOP happening.
So that we can stop losing our friends.
So that parents stop losing their children, and children stop losing their Mummys and Daddys. So that people stop losing their partners, the ones they love, the ones they care about.
Walking for those who cant...
Its a phrase I've kind of adopted the last few weeks, when I think about this. It keeps me focussed, on exactly why I'm doing this. Because I've had my moments when I wonder what on earth I'm thinking of.
And then I think of Marc. And Georgie. And Louis. And Ed. Ally. Jordan. Suzy. Gaz. And the list of people which is just far too long.
I want to walk for all those people we've lost along the way.
And all those people who physically cant anymore. I still can. I'm not reliant on oxygen or a wheelchair yet.
And not just them, but all the families and friends too. Everyone that CF is hurting or has hurt.
In the hope that one day, this will all be over. One day, CF wont be able to hurt anyone.
I know 10km/6 miles isnt THAT far, in comparison to marathons, and people who climb mountains and stuff. But to me, with my lungs, its practically a mountain. With a lung function that sits between 35-45%, it makes a big difference.
http://www.justgiving.com/Danielle-Canavan0
Thankyou, to everyone that has sponsored us so far. People have been amazing. =)
I'll leave you with a few pictures from Ashridge.
Drove up with Ryan today, so he knows where hes going at the weekend when he takes me and Danni.
Note to all Sat Nav users: Sat Navs LIE. Lol.
Love xx
1 May 2011
OMG. Its MAY?!
I cant believe its MAY! Already!!
I swear, its only JUST been christmas! This year is disappearing, I dont understand! Lol.
1 week to go, until our Sponsored walk!
The weather has been amazing the last couple of weeks, and I really hope it can hold until next sunday for us. It will be much nicer if the sun is shining. And we can take some really pretty pictures, because Ashridge is gorgeous at the minute. Its like a carpet of bluebells in places.
We've raised just over £430 so far, and we're still going! Its been amazing. =)
My friend Pete had his head shaved friday night as well. He has raised over £350 so far for the CF Trust.
My friends are so amazing at times...
I have sent over 1800 text messages in the last 2 weeks. Haha, I dont know whether to be proud, or a little scared.
I think Stiv and Gavin are probably responsible for most of those tbh. I dread to think how I'd cope if I wasnt on contract. Lol.
Gavin has been amazing, the last couple of months. Hes very quickly become one of the most important people in my life. =)
OMG. Royal Wedding!!
Now, I have to admit, during the lead up I was completely fed up of hearing about the wedding, and had very little interest in it.
But I got up friday morning, and put the TV on, and started watching... And I was hooked. It was amazing, the way William and Kate look at each other, the love was so clearly visible in their eyes. They looked so happy, and natural together. And of course, she was BEAUTIFUL. As was everything.
Except that hat Beatrice was wearing... LOL! She looked like a reindeer. Hehe.
I was so loved up by the end of it, and it wasnt even me getting married! Haha. It really was like watching a disney film.
Now, I just have to go find myself a prince. =)
Annual Review results on wednesday... Yay. Not.
That'll be fun. Go sit in a room, while they tell me things that I could have told them. That my lungs/liver/blood sugars/everything is slightly worse than last year. But not bad enough yet to do anything about. Thats pretty much what theyve said every year. Haha.
On the plus side, I'm single this year. Which means they wont surprise me with the whole sex and making babies talk I got last year. Lol.
Its my last chance for a check up before I go wandering 10km through the trees too, so hopefully it'll all be fine.
I feel okay, anyway. Not 100%, but okay. Just need to take things easy this week, and keep myself okay. =) And keep this stupid sinus pain under control. Lol.
Anyway, thats all for now I think.
Lovelove xx
I swear, its only JUST been christmas! This year is disappearing, I dont understand! Lol.
1 week to go, until our Sponsored walk!
The weather has been amazing the last couple of weeks, and I really hope it can hold until next sunday for us. It will be much nicer if the sun is shining. And we can take some really pretty pictures, because Ashridge is gorgeous at the minute. Its like a carpet of bluebells in places.
We've raised just over £430 so far, and we're still going! Its been amazing. =)
My friend Pete had his head shaved friday night as well. He has raised over £350 so far for the CF Trust.
My friends are so amazing at times...
I have sent over 1800 text messages in the last 2 weeks. Haha, I dont know whether to be proud, or a little scared.
I think Stiv and Gavin are probably responsible for most of those tbh. I dread to think how I'd cope if I wasnt on contract. Lol.
Gavin has been amazing, the last couple of months. Hes very quickly become one of the most important people in my life. =)
OMG. Royal Wedding!!
Now, I have to admit, during the lead up I was completely fed up of hearing about the wedding, and had very little interest in it.
But I got up friday morning, and put the TV on, and started watching... And I was hooked. It was amazing, the way William and Kate look at each other, the love was so clearly visible in their eyes. They looked so happy, and natural together. And of course, she was BEAUTIFUL. As was everything.
Except that hat Beatrice was wearing... LOL! She looked like a reindeer. Hehe.
I was so loved up by the end of it, and it wasnt even me getting married! Haha. It really was like watching a disney film.
Now, I just have to go find myself a prince. =)
Annual Review results on wednesday... Yay. Not.
That'll be fun. Go sit in a room, while they tell me things that I could have told them. That my lungs/liver/blood sugars/everything is slightly worse than last year. But not bad enough yet to do anything about. Thats pretty much what theyve said every year. Haha.
On the plus side, I'm single this year. Which means they wont surprise me with the whole sex and making babies talk I got last year. Lol.
Its my last chance for a check up before I go wandering 10km through the trees too, so hopefully it'll all be fine.
I feel okay, anyway. Not 100%, but okay. Just need to take things easy this week, and keep myself okay. =) And keep this stupid sinus pain under control. Lol.
Anyway, thats all for now I think.
Lovelove xx
29 April 2011
Lonely. CF Friends. And Stiv.
Having CF, can be unbelievably lonely. Much like having any illness I imagine.
Being ill, being scared, being worried. Theyre all lonely things anyway.
When you are ill, people dont seem to let themselves get too close. A lot of the time they just dont know what to say. They dont understand. They dont always want to.
You start lying to please everyone else. It starts with the 'I'm fine'. Or 'I'm okay'. Or 'I'm good'. When that couldnt be further from the truth.
But its less intense than, 'Well actually I feel rough. I cant really breathe, I feel like I'm slowly suffocating, and this morning I coughing up a load of blood, and every time I breathe in it hurts...'.
Which then leaves all those thoughts inside your head. Afraid to let them out. Afraid to scare people, worry people, hurt people, push them away.
Lonely.
So this is why I'm so eternally grateful for my CF friends.
I joined the forum, on the CF trust website, when I was 13. It was actually my consultant who mentioned it to me. At the time I'd never had an inpatient stay in hospital (I miss those days!), and didnt know anyone else with CF.
I was a lot younger than a lot of the people on there, but I read a lot, and talked to a few people. Without trying to sound braggy (is that a word?), I've always been fairly mature, and intelligient, so my age didnt put me off too much. And it made things a little less lonely.
As I got older, I got to know a few people more personally. And we grew through the bebo and myspace phases too. Now its facebook. And I know so many people with CF.
When I have a problem, I know I can probably find someone to help me within minutes. Cf related or not. I've met people who have become my best friends. People I could not imagine a life without anymore.
I remember vividly, being upset in high school, because someone had passed away, that I knew online. One of the girls asked me, why I was so upset about someone I didnt even know.
I couldnt explain then, I didnt understand fully myself.
Now I realise, you dont need to meet someone physically, to know them, to care about them. You just need to let them into your life, and into your heart, and for them to do the same.
Thats all it takes to know someone.
Take Stiv, or Pete Franklin, they probably 'know' me, far better than most the people I went to school or college with.
Even my family dont understand really. There are 2 or 3 people that they would probably understand about, but in general, they dont get why it hurts when my 'online friends' are sick, or when they pass away.
I dont really see them as online friends anymore. I love them as much as if they lived next door.
Some of the people I love most in the world, I have never 'met'.
Stiv is the best example of this.
I'm a little reluctant to write about him. Because he gets really big headed when I mention him... ;) Haha. Bless him.
He is the one person I trust most, in the entire world. I can tell him absolutely anything, and I do. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about me.
I love the way we can have really deep and meaningful conversations, and then switch to being random idiots, just like that. He makes me laugh, every day. And can always make me smile, no matter how miserable I am, how angry I am, how much I want to scream.
We live on opposite ends of the country, but thats irrelevant. We text, we call, we webcam, we msn, we facebook... And hes my best friend, regardless of the distance.
Hes been there for me through everything with me. The ups and the downs. The hospital stays, and the partying. The falling in love, getting engaged, and the breaking up. The family stuff, the friend problems, the boy issues... Everything. =)
Never having met him, doesnt make him any less of a friend.
Hes not the only one, not even close...
I love you all.
Each and every one of you.
Every day, you make me realise I am not alone. You give me someone to talk to, when otherwise I wouldnt know where to turn. You teach me something new every day. You look after me, protect me, comfort me, entertain me... You make my life so much better, just by being a part of it.
xx
Being ill, being scared, being worried. Theyre all lonely things anyway.
When you are ill, people dont seem to let themselves get too close. A lot of the time they just dont know what to say. They dont understand. They dont always want to.
You start lying to please everyone else. It starts with the 'I'm fine'. Or 'I'm okay'. Or 'I'm good'. When that couldnt be further from the truth.
But its less intense than, 'Well actually I feel rough. I cant really breathe, I feel like I'm slowly suffocating, and this morning I coughing up a load of blood, and every time I breathe in it hurts...'.
Which then leaves all those thoughts inside your head. Afraid to let them out. Afraid to scare people, worry people, hurt people, push them away.
Lonely.
So this is why I'm so eternally grateful for my CF friends.
I joined the forum, on the CF trust website, when I was 13. It was actually my consultant who mentioned it to me. At the time I'd never had an inpatient stay in hospital (I miss those days!), and didnt know anyone else with CF.
I was a lot younger than a lot of the people on there, but I read a lot, and talked to a few people. Without trying to sound braggy (is that a word?), I've always been fairly mature, and intelligient, so my age didnt put me off too much. And it made things a little less lonely.
As I got older, I got to know a few people more personally. And we grew through the bebo and myspace phases too. Now its facebook. And I know so many people with CF.
When I have a problem, I know I can probably find someone to help me within minutes. Cf related or not. I've met people who have become my best friends. People I could not imagine a life without anymore.
I remember vividly, being upset in high school, because someone had passed away, that I knew online. One of the girls asked me, why I was so upset about someone I didnt even know.
I couldnt explain then, I didnt understand fully myself.
Now I realise, you dont need to meet someone physically, to know them, to care about them. You just need to let them into your life, and into your heart, and for them to do the same.
Thats all it takes to know someone.
Take Stiv, or Pete Franklin, they probably 'know' me, far better than most the people I went to school or college with.
Even my family dont understand really. There are 2 or 3 people that they would probably understand about, but in general, they dont get why it hurts when my 'online friends' are sick, or when they pass away.
I dont really see them as online friends anymore. I love them as much as if they lived next door.
Some of the people I love most in the world, I have never 'met'.
Stiv is the best example of this.
I'm a little reluctant to write about him. Because he gets really big headed when I mention him... ;) Haha. Bless him.
He is the one person I trust most, in the entire world. I can tell him absolutely anything, and I do. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about me.
I love the way we can have really deep and meaningful conversations, and then switch to being random idiots, just like that. He makes me laugh, every day. And can always make me smile, no matter how miserable I am, how angry I am, how much I want to scream.
We live on opposite ends of the country, but thats irrelevant. We text, we call, we webcam, we msn, we facebook... And hes my best friend, regardless of the distance.
Hes been there for me through everything with me. The ups and the downs. The hospital stays, and the partying. The falling in love, getting engaged, and the breaking up. The family stuff, the friend problems, the boy issues... Everything. =)
Never having met him, doesnt make him any less of a friend.
Hes not the only one, not even close...
I love you all.
Each and every one of you.
Every day, you make me realise I am not alone. You give me someone to talk to, when otherwise I wouldnt know where to turn. You teach me something new every day. You look after me, protect me, comfort me, entertain me... You make my life so much better, just by being a part of it.
xx
26 April 2011
Crazy Magpies, and other fun.
OMG! A magpie flew into my window!!
I'm sat here, minding my own business, and then BAM! Magpie goes splat!
It seemed to be okay. It landed on the shed, shook all its feathers out, and then flew off into a tree.
SCARED the living daylights out of me though! And kitty who was sleeping on my windowsill!
Crazy magpie caused some major giggling, once it was okay, and I recovered from my initial surprise. Lol.
Which naturally resulted in a coughing fit. *Rolls Eyes*
Stupid lungs.
They're driving me insane. Even when I'm not sick, I'm constantly stressing over them. Every little thing makes me panicky.
Every coughing fit leaves me wondering how long until I have to phone papworth, how long til I need IVs, how long til I cough up more blood.
On the plus side, I AM actually pretty well. =)
I even managed to CANCEL a clinic appointment today! Haha. I have my Annual review results next week. But for some reason they'd sent me an appointment for tomorrow as well.
I am not going up there 2 weeks in a row, when I'm feeling okay! Its pointless. I dont like them that much! I'll just stick to next week. Lol.
I cant remember when I last got to cancel an appointment! Normally I'm ringing them up to beg for extra ones! Haha.
I think the weather has had an effect on my health. I've been outside, and enjoying myself, and feeling generally happier, which has a positive effect on everything else. =)
Now I just want to make everyone else happy. I absolutely hate seeing my friends down, or sick, I just want to fix it!!
Feeling helpless is horrible.
I'm used to ME being ill. I can deal with that. I'd quite happily be ill all the time, if I could just see everyone else happy.
I'm definately looking forward to the summer now, and all the fun it shall bring.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to go and visit Pete in Southend at some point.
And Stiv in those strange northern lands where he lives. (This is code for, I've forgotten the name of the place... Lol.)
So YAY! =)
xx
I'm sat here, minding my own business, and then BAM! Magpie goes splat!
It seemed to be okay. It landed on the shed, shook all its feathers out, and then flew off into a tree.
SCARED the living daylights out of me though! And kitty who was sleeping on my windowsill!
Crazy magpie caused some major giggling, once it was okay, and I recovered from my initial surprise. Lol.
Which naturally resulted in a coughing fit. *Rolls Eyes*
Stupid lungs.
They're driving me insane. Even when I'm not sick, I'm constantly stressing over them. Every little thing makes me panicky.
Every coughing fit leaves me wondering how long until I have to phone papworth, how long til I need IVs, how long til I cough up more blood.
On the plus side, I AM actually pretty well. =)
I even managed to CANCEL a clinic appointment today! Haha. I have my Annual review results next week. But for some reason they'd sent me an appointment for tomorrow as well.
I am not going up there 2 weeks in a row, when I'm feeling okay! Its pointless. I dont like them that much! I'll just stick to next week. Lol.
I cant remember when I last got to cancel an appointment! Normally I'm ringing them up to beg for extra ones! Haha.
I think the weather has had an effect on my health. I've been outside, and enjoying myself, and feeling generally happier, which has a positive effect on everything else. =)
Now I just want to make everyone else happy. I absolutely hate seeing my friends down, or sick, I just want to fix it!!
Feeling helpless is horrible.
I'm used to ME being ill. I can deal with that. I'd quite happily be ill all the time, if I could just see everyone else happy.
I'm definately looking forward to the summer now, and all the fun it shall bring.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to go and visit Pete in Southend at some point.
And Stiv in those strange northern lands where he lives. (This is code for, I've forgotten the name of the place... Lol.)
So YAY! =)
xx
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