Random Stuffness.

Sooo, whats happened since wednesday?

My train tickets arrivedd!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeep! The very next morning, which was pretty damn impressive tbh.
Sooooo excited now. The next 5 and a half weeks are going to be sooooo slow!
I'm going to see a TOT!
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
He will be sooooo sick of me after being stuck with me for 5 whole nights. I'll probably be kicked out by the friday night. Haha.
Or the first time I start singing reealllyyy badly to myself.
Also, I hope he has stocked up on Orange Lucozade before I get there... Hehe.
Lol.
Tot Tot Tot Tot Tot!
This is like 3 years of excitement, all squished into a few weeks! =)
And to think I was so excited about going to London for the Day! I keep forgetting about that part now! Haha.

Anyway, we went off the Southend thursday. The weather was absolutely gorgeous! Although, we were sat eating some chips on the seafront, and there was this HUGE gust of wind, and it blew chips everywhere, and a full can of coke straight into ryans lap! Which, naturally, I found HILARIOUS.
I'm such a mean sister. Lol.
I took lots of pictures with my new camera. I LOVE my camera.
Anddddd I SAW A PETEY!
Well, he saw me... I managed to walk straight past him. Even though I was looking for him. Clearly I'm very observant. =/

Saturday I saw Gavin. =) We went up to Ashridge, and it was sooo pretty. Was a little concerned that we'd end up getting lost on the way, like when we followed Ryans Sat Nav... And my sense of direction would be no help to anyone. But Gavins sat nav is clearly better cos we got there fine. Lol
Wandered through the trees and found this random little house/hut/shack/shed... I would imagine it belonged to whoever looked after the grounds at one point, but now its just something for kids to write all over. Haha.
So theres me, sat on the little deck, watching Gavin wander around aimlessly, then hes just all, 'I wonder how many people have been killed here...' Haha! Totally scares me at times. ;)

Then yesterday me and the family were GOING to go for a picnic... But it rained. So we just had our picnic in the car, cos we're cool like that. =)

It was fine by me, cos I feel pretty rough the last couple of days. All I want to do is sleep. =/ Meh.

I think I was awake for about 8 hours yesterday... Out of the whole day... Thats not right!! Lol.

Ah well.

Love Love xx

OMG. Its MAY?!

I cant believe its MAY! Already!!
I swear, its only JUST been christmas! This year is disappearing, I dont understand! Lol.

1 week to go, until our Sponsored walk!

The weather has been amazing the last couple of weeks, and I really hope it can hold until next sunday for us. It will be much nicer if the sun is shining. And we can take some really pretty pictures, because Ashridge is gorgeous at the minute. Its like a carpet of bluebells in places.
We've raised just over £430 so far, and we're still going! Its been amazing. =)

My friend Pete had his head shaved friday night as well. He has raised over £350 so far for the CF Trust.
My friends are so amazing at times...

I have sent over 1800 text messages in the last 2 weeks. Haha, I dont know whether to be proud, or a little scared.
I think Stiv and Gavin are probably responsible for most of those tbh. I dread to think how I'd cope if I wasnt on contract. Lol.

Gavin has been amazing, the last couple of months. Hes very quickly become one of the most important people in my life. =)

OMG. Royal Wedding!!
Now, I have to admit, during the lead up I was completely fed up of hearing about the wedding, and had very little interest in it.
But I got up friday morning, and put the TV on, and started watching... And I was hooked. It was amazing, the way William and Kate look at each other, the love was so clearly visible in their eyes. They looked so happy, and natural together. And of course, she was BEAUTIFUL. As was everything.
Except that hat Beatrice was wearing... LOL! She looked like a reindeer. Hehe.
I was so loved up by the end of it, and it wasnt even me getting married! Haha. It really was like watching a disney film.

Now, I just have to go find myself a prince. =)

Annual Review results on wednesday... Yay. Not.
That'll be fun. Go sit in a room, while they tell me things that I could have told them. That my lungs/liver/blood sugars/everything is slightly worse than last year. But not bad enough yet to do anything about. Thats pretty much what theyve said every year. Haha.
On the plus side, I'm single this year. Which means they wont surprise me with the whole sex and making babies talk I got last year. Lol.

Its my last chance for a check up before I go wandering 10km through the trees too, so hopefully it'll all be fine.
I feel okay, anyway. Not 100%, but okay. Just need to take things easy this week, and keep myself okay. =) And keep this stupid sinus pain under control. Lol.

Anyway, thats all for now I think.

Lovelove xx

20 Facts About Moi.

So this is something I'd seen someone else do. And decided to kill some time with myself...

1. I am insanely emotional. I feel everything so passionately. And I cry far too much. Not just when I'm sad, but also when I'm scared, when I'm happy, when I'm relieved, when I'm angry... Just all the bloody time.

2. I love to read. I would rather read a book than watch a film any day. Using your imagination to create a world in your own head, and then develop each character, make them your own, watch them grow, learn to love them or loathe them... I'd created my own narnia, long before the films came out. =) I've always loved to sit and escape into a world within the pages of a book, and I always will. Its got a magic of its own.

3. I love a good disney movie. I love the way the bad guys always lose in the end, and the good guys always win. I love the way everything always works out, and everyone is happy, and everything is beautiful. I love the way singing fixes everything. I love the happily ever after.

4. I love summer evenings. When the sun has gone, but its still warm enough to be comfortable outside. I love listening to the birds singing to each other.

5. I also love watching the sun set.

6. I am scared of Moths. I will run. I will scream. If there is a moth in my room, I wont go to bed. I panic, and my heart races. Despite the fact I KNOW they cant hurt me. I think its the way moths have no fear. They are quite happy to fly straight into your face.

7. I love my cat, far more than is probably considered normal. I also take far too many pictures of him. Because hes always either being cute, or stupid, both of which are fun to photograph.

8. The person I feel closest too in the entire world, lives 250 miles away, and I've never met in person... Strange? Maybe. But I would trust him with my life. I cant imagine not having him as a part of my life. I wouldnt want to.

9. I wish I could go back to high school and start over. I got good grades at high school. I passed my GCSEs with 3 As (Math, RE and Textiles), 3 Bs (English Language, English Literature and French), 2 Cs (Double Science) and a GNVQ Merit in ICT. I went to college to study childcare because thats what I wanted a career in, but my health and attendance meant I didnt finish. I passed everything I completed, but I was months behind. If I could do it over, I'd take A levels in subjects which were less practical, and could be studied from hospital more easily.

10. I do send far too many text messages. At least 2000 a month. On a quiet month. Lol! And I love it when I have 'Good morning' messages when I wake up. Its one of the little things I miss from being in a relationship. I would always have a 'good morning' and 'good night'. And the cute little text messages, to say 'I love you', or 'I miss you'. I'm also guilty of saving messages to read when I'm feeling miserable. =) Lol.

11. I always fall for the wrong guys. I think thats true of a lot of girls, I suppose. But I definately have a talent for it.

12. My lung function is now at a level where I almost certainly wont be having children of my own, unless I get magically better. Being a mum is the one thing I've always imagined myself doing, it comes naturally, I love being around children. It upsets me, but I'm dealing with it. It means I have even more love for the children of my friends, particularly Liz's little girl, Evie. And if Ryan ever has children, I will be the greatest Auntie EVER. =)

13. I am very close to my Mum. And it is rare that we fight. But when we do, we really go for it. We do it in style. LOL! I love her a lot though. And I love my Dad. I have amazing parents, I couldnt ask for anything more.

14. I take a lot of photos. I would love to one day take some kind of course, and learn how to do all kinds of fancy stuff, because I do enjoy trying to be creative.

15. I keep things. Lots of things. I have pictures and letters from a CF friend, Shahara, who passed away when I was about 15. I have artwork and notes from a patient (and her parents) I befriended on the childrens ward, who was 2 at the time. I have good luck cards from my GCSEs, and get well cards from my college friends and the nursery where I was on placement. I have notes from Pete, and cards from Megz on my wall in my room. As well as a christmas card from Stiv, because he drew a tigger in it. And a christmas card from Nick, which I treasure because he wrote it himself, despite the fact his eyesight was failing, and he could barely hold a pen. He wanted to write it. He passed away on the 23rd December.

16. Joint pain had ruined my handwriting. I used to have the most amazing hadwriting, but now it hurts to hold a pen for longer than a couple of minutes. =(

17. I drink an insane amount of Orange Lucozade. It cant possibly be healthy. But its so good, and it hasnt killed me yet. Haha.

18. Sun burn sucks. (I got burnt on my chest today... Its irritating me. Lots.)

19. I cannot swim. Its something I hate myself for, because I LOVE the pool. I'm slightly afraid of water, but I do love swimming pools. Not logical, I know. Lol. I also LOVE the smell of swimming pools.

20. I'm very easily pleased. I dont need big fancy gestures. And I'm a complete romantic at heart. I'd love to walk along the beach, or the river, or through the park, hand in hand, on a warm summers evening, and then lay and stare at the stars.
Soppy, I know. =/ But ah well.

Sunshine, Doctors and the better side of CF

I love the sunshine!
So so much. =)

I finally, after weeks of needing to, went and sorted myself out a GP appointment today to go through all my repeat prescription stuff, and make sure the GP and Papworth have lists that match.
Technically, this isnt my job. Because Papworth always tell them about all my changes. But unless I physically sit with the Dr and watch him change each thing in the computer, nothing gets updated. Lol.
They shouldnt be too far off. I think its only the inhalers and calcium that have changed since I last did it. =/ But who knows. Lol. Papworth are always changing something.

I've had 2 people say they'll do the Adidas 5k with me in London in September! So it looks like I'll be doing it now. =)
Once I get there I'll know plenty of people. But it was to travelling to and from London alone that bothered me. So now I have friends! YAY!

Ashridge walk is getting scarily close now. And yet so far away too. 2 and a half weeks is far too long, because I can so easily get ill in that space of time! LoL! I want to get it over and done with while I'm feeling fairly good! Haha.
We've raised just over £370 now in sponsor money, which I'm very pleased with! =)

My sinuses are still driving me insane. Some days are worse than others. Last night I was back to being in tears with pain, and barely able to even see. Today has been slightly better.
I still cant stop the painkillers though, or its unbearable. =/ Not ideal. Especially not with my liver.

Oh well.

I'll get there in the end. I always do.

I'm trying to accept that things wont ever be perfect. And I just have to make the best of it all.
Of course, some days thats easier to accept than others. Some days I want to scream, and cry, and punch things. (Which of course doesnt help, just means I'm more breathless than usual... Lol.) On the good days its easier to just try and accept everything. I guess thats what keeps you sane on the bad days. If I was just constantly angry and upset, I'd never survive, I'd go insane.
The good helps balance the bad, and so we continue...

Just have to keep reminding myself that yes, this is rubbish, and its not particularly fair, but its also not the worst thing in the world. I have my family, I have my friends, I have a safe and loving home, and I have food and water. Some people dont have that.

Plus, as much as I hate CF, it has had its positives.

I've grown up with a more understanding attitude towards other people I think. I try to be thoughtful of other peoples feelings.

I've met some amazing people through being in hospital. With and without CF. I've learnt a lot from them. About health, about life, and about everything else too.

I'm far closer to my parents, in particular my Mum, than a lot of people my age. Shes put up with a lot for me, and given up a lot to make sure I have the best life possible. I love my Parents so much.

I've made some truly amazing friends. I wouldnt have met Ellis or Danni if I hadnt been in hospital. I wouldnt know Stiv, or Pete, or Megz, or Tori, or so many amazing people if it wasnt for the fact I have CF. And to be honest I cant imagine a life without ANY of them. Stiv and Pete in particular, I can tell ANYTHING to, and there arent many people in the world I trust more than them.
I love my CF friends just as much as all my other friends. I care about them just as much, and they've made my life better in so many ways.
They understand me in different ways, better in many ways than my other friends, and even my family can. I can laugh with them, cry with them, and they are just as important to me.
Theyve taught me that I'm not alone. And I love each of them a lot for that.

I would make an awesome nurse. Or pharmacist. ;) HAHA!
I know far too many drugs, and can pretty much diagnose and prescribe treatment for half the things my family get wrong with them. Hehe.

I've also learnt to appreciate the work of medical staff so much more. As much as they can be annoying, and frustrating, they are working tirelessly to take care of other people.
Especially nurses, who have to do their own job, and being on the frontline, take all the blows from the patients when they get fed up, and keep the familys happy, and still keep a smile on their face.

CF has given me a sense of humour. I have learnt to laugh at things that would worry or shock other people. I often get asked by people how I can laugh about things.
Its simple. Laugh, or cry. I'd go insane if I didnt learn to laugh at myself. Lol.

Although I have lost friends to CF, its taught me to appreciate life, and friendship. I miss them everyday, but it gives me something to focus on. However bad things get, I have this overwhelming desire to live my life, and do the things they didnt have the chance to do. I dont want them to see me wasting what I have.

I try to appreciate everything, however small. And I'm easily pleased.
Sometimes its hard to show, but deep down, I know I'm lucky really.
I'm here, I'm safe, and I'm loved.

Lovelove xx

Day 8

Yay! They changed my drugs!

The consultant was moaning about how I have so many allergies, because I cant have;
Ciprofloxacin
Ceftazidime
Aztreonam
Meropenem
Colomycin

And now we're adding Tazocin to that list. And Tobramycin because of my recent tinnitus issues.
But I still dont want to suffer on drugs I react to, just because it makes things a little more complicated. There is LOADS of IVs they can give me still. They just have to think a bit harder!

I'm on Timentin now anyway. =)

My lung functions hadnt improved yesterday, so it didnt take too much convincing to get them to change the drugs. In fact, they'd actually managed to drop another 2%.
Now I know 2% isnt a big drop... But its still NOT the right direction for my lung function to be going half way into a course of IVs!

xx

I've been struggling with my own emotions the last few days. I'm just missing home. I want my parents, and my friends, and a hug. Not had any visitors since sunday, and wont until saturday. Its hard.
I'm just miserable, and stupidly emotional.
I cried at scrubs last night. LOL!

Stiv and Gavin have been amazing, putting up with my constant harassing them and texting, listening to all my moaning. I love them for it, I couldnt cope without them.
Its helped having Nathan next door to talk to as well. And Daren is around. We've had a few giggles the last few days. We do have some very interesting conversations!
Oh, and Sammie gave me a packet of jelly.
I'm not even gonna try and explain that one... Haha!

I've managed to get out and off the ward a lot today, and enjoy the sunshine. The weather has been amazing. I was wandering around the village today, in a vest top, in march! I walked down to the park and sat on the swings for a while, took advantage of the phone signal and send lots of texts, and rang Pete to say hi. =)
And bought a mini tub of rolo ice cream on the way back. YUM.

I've been trying to do lots of walking, practice for this sponsored walk. And I do love just putting my headphones in, and just walking anyway. Forgetting the world, and vanishing into my music.

Lovelove xx

Back to hospital. And reality.

Lol. My run of good health is over.

The virus decided to take up residence in hotel Jenni. And as such, my lungs are throwing a little hissy fit. *Sigh*

So, its back into Pappynappyworth tomorrow, for the usual cocktail of drugs, to try and sort myself out.
Hopefully we'll catch it early enough, and it wont be a particularly long stay.

It was strange, went out sunday night feeling slightly rough. And by monday morning I felt terrible.
On the plus side, sunday night was a giggle. Getting rugby tackled by Pete, trying to get his shoe back. Too slow though. It was on the roof at one point, thanks to Ricci. Hehe. In fairness, he threw it at me in the first place, deserved everything he got.
I tried to steal Ricci's beer. Bad plan.
I believe Ricci tried to give Amy a shower in beer at some point too. Things are a little fuzzy. Apparently the alcohol affected me more than I recall! Haha. I do remember the sofa cushions being turned upside down because they were covered in alcohol though. Good times.

Went and bought 6 bottles of orange lucozade this afternoon, ready for taking to hospital with me. Drunk two already. Oops. =/
Also eaten 2 of the bags of sweets I bought.

Ah well. I need to go and pack stuff really.
I've got a few bits.
I've packed 8 DVDs so far, and some socks. Haha. But I suppose, clothes, and underwear, and pjs... Might be handy. Maybe.

Lovelove. xx

Monkeys.

Dont ask why this is called Monkeys. Just the first thing to enter my head.
Yes, I am weird.
And proud.

Urgh, it is majorly sucky when you let someone into your head, tell them all your feelings.
And they throw it back in your face to hurt you.
Yes, I said sucky. Deal with it. Sucky can be substituted for one of many rude words if you wish.

Not impressed tbh.
Thats the last time I let you into my world.

Sooo, the pain is back with a vengance. Every time I eat more than a 2 year old, I'm in agony. Time to give up eating again. Also, this means Pancake day passed, and I didnt have a single pancake. =/ Bad times, guys, bad times.
Looks like I will be paying papworth a visit, if they remember me. I may not stay long if my chest is okay, but I could do with them looking into this stomach issue. I've tried all my methods. Gah.
Chest is starting to play up anyway... We wont even discuss what I was coughing up the last couple of days. = Better out than in, I know. But still not pleasant. Not wonder my lungs are so screwed if thats what theyre keeping down there! Haha.

AND my joints are playing up. God, I love my body. Not. *Rolls eyes*
Spend most the day, walking round like someone whos about 70. If it can be classed as walking. Lol.

I'm currently sat here listening to my cat meowing angrily at my bedroom door. Normally he comes in a sits/sleeps on my windowsill, as thats his current favourite place.
However, I have about 80 dvds sat on my windowsill. And was woken up at 4am this morning, by about 20 dvds hitting the floor, because he'd decided he wanted to be on TOP of a pile of them.
Normally this would be funny. But seeing as I was asleep, and woken up by the crash as it all hit the floor, I wasnt impressed. Being asleep meant I also missed the sight of him falling, which wouldve made it better, for me. Lol.
So tonight, he can just stay out there and meow.
I'm seriously considering packing him up and sending him to live with Pete, seeing as Pete seems to love him so much. And asks about him like, hourly. Lol.

Anyway, that is all for tonight I think.
Besides, Stiv keeps texting me and telling me to go to sleep. LOL. Bless him. Does he not realise 1am is early for me. Hehe.
Do love him though, hes been there for me lots recently. =)

Lovelove everyone xx

Valentines xx

So I may not have a 'Valentine' this year, but there are so many friends in my life that I love, that it doesnt seem to matter so much as I thought it might. =)

Seeing as nothing of major excitement or importance has happened in my life, today I'm just gonna explain some of these people.


xx


Emma
She is my best friend, and the most amazing friend I'll ever have. We met in year 2, when I moved schools, and I was sat next to her on my first day. We were 6.
Shes not got rid of me since. And she wont either. =)
We've grown up together, been there through everything for each other, and I cant imagine anyone I trust more.
We dont always see each other as much as we'd like, especially now shes at Uni, but after nearly 14 years, we have the kind of friendship where we can go a couple of weeks without speaking, and its like its been 5 minutes when we do catch up.
I love her to bits.

Stiv
Our relationship is a little more complicated. Mainly because hes several hundred miles away, and I've never actually met him in person. Lol!
But I've known Stiv for quite a while now, and I love him to bits. I know I can tell him absolutely anything, and he nearly always knows what to say, he'll always try to make things better. =)
We are completely insane to be honest, and anyone who read back some of our conversations would agree. As would anyone whos heard some of our phone calls. Especially the ones where hes drunk. And I get to talk to all his random little friends. Hehe.
He can always make me giggle. And when he wants to be, he can be the sweetest person in the world.
Hes my little pet lamb, and I'm grateful everyday that I know him.

Ellis
I first met Ellis in hospital, back on the childrens ward. We got chatting, and we've been friends since. She is one amazing girl, with the most amazing spirit.
I'm so glad she got her transplant, and another chance at life, because I'd of hated losing her from my life. She is one of the people I admire most, because shes just so happy and positive. And always willing to listen to everyone else.

Pete
Its hard to know where to start with Mister Franklin. =)
Hes one of the most amazing, caring and thoughtful people I've ever known. Hes always more interested in keeping everyone else happy, than himself.
He can always make me smile, without fail. Which those of you who know me, will know isnt always easy, because I can be a right moody bitch to be honest.
And his obsession with my cat amuses me, the way he normally asks about my kitty, before me. Hehe! Bless him.
Hes also one of the people I trust most, and probably knows me better than most people in the world. I love him lots. MORE than Jelly tots.

Danni
Miss Canavan. She is like a little ray of sunshine in my life. One of the sweetest, most genuinely caring people I've ever met, and so happy and positive. Its amazing to be around, because its basically impossible to be miserable around her.
Shes always so ready to talk, to help, and to just be the best friend you could want.
I cant imagine a life without her in, and to be honest, I dont think I would want to. She brings so much to my life, so much to me, and I love her.

xx

Tori
Well, shes just so damn gorgeous. Its a good job I love her or I'd kill her in a mad jealous rampage... ;)
Hehe. And she never fails to make me giggle with her complete insanity. =P

xx

Boredom makes me copy Megz

So, I'm bored.

Very bored.

And because of this, I am going to steal Megs' idea, and dedicate this post to the things in life which make me happy.
Prepare yourself for the randomness that lives inside my head. Lol.

=)

- My Mum. Shes my best friend in the whole world. I know that whatever happens, she'll be right there. We fall out sometimes, we drive each other insane, but we love each other unconditionally.
- My Dad. I dont know what I'd do without him. He keeps me going. He can always make me smile, regardless of how I feel or whats going on. I love him so much.
- Ryan. Hes my little brother. And we definately have the usual sibling relationship thing going on. But hes amazing, I know if I need him, he'll be there, even if he does moan about it. Lol. Also, I love our lazy days when hes at home. Hanging out with a pizza, and the disney channel, and acting like complete children.
- My cat. I take farrrr too many pictures of my cat. He is more like my child than my pet. Hes so cute, and its like magic, how he always seems to know when I'm ill or sad.
- The fact that Pete Franklin loves my cat far more than he loves me. ;)
- The smell of freshly made hot chocolate.
- Tea. I take after my dad. I cannot function without many cups of tea.
- Tigger. Totally does not need explaining. Its TIGGER! <3
- Haircuts. For some reason, having your hair done, seems to make everything better temporarily.
- Long showers. Same reaons as above.
- Unexpected text messages. Especially the cute kind that show someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.
- Being home alone, music up loud, and singing and dancing around like an idiot.
- Random conversations with friends, that the rest of the world would find completely confusing, or scary! And getting a text message/facebook message/status comment and thinking, 'why do i love this loser?' <3
- Hugs.
- Memories. Remembering something, and not being able to help smiling. =)
- Those special friends, who you know, no matter what the time is, or how insignificant the problem may seem to the rest of the world, they'll be there.
- The sunshine. Theres just something about the sun that makes everything better. And everything looks that bit more beautiful in the sunshine.
- Monkeys. But really, who doesnt love monkeys? ;)