So this is something I'd seen someone else do. And decided to kill some time with myself...
1. I am insanely emotional. I feel everything so passionately. And I cry far too much. Not just when I'm sad, but also when I'm scared, when I'm happy, when I'm relieved, when I'm angry... Just all the bloody time.
2. I love to read. I would rather read a book than watch a film any day. Using your imagination to create a world in your own head, and then develop each character, make them your own, watch them grow, learn to love them or loathe them... I'd created my own narnia, long before the films came out. =) I've always loved to sit and escape into a world within the pages of a book, and I always will. Its got a magic of its own.
3. I love a good disney movie. I love the way the bad guys always lose in the end, and the good guys always win. I love the way everything always works out, and everyone is happy, and everything is beautiful. I love the way singing fixes everything. I love the happily ever after.
4. I love summer evenings. When the sun has gone, but its still warm enough to be comfortable outside. I love listening to the birds singing to each other.
5. I also love watching the sun set.
6. I am scared of Moths. I will run. I will scream. If there is a moth in my room, I wont go to bed. I panic, and my heart races. Despite the fact I KNOW they cant hurt me. I think its the way moths have no fear. They are quite happy to fly straight into your face.
7. I love my cat, far more than is probably considered normal. I also take far too many pictures of him. Because hes always either being cute, or stupid, both of which are fun to photograph.
8. The person I feel closest too in the entire world, lives 250 miles away, and I've never met in person... Strange? Maybe. But I would trust him with my life. I cant imagine not having him as a part of my life. I wouldnt want to.
9. I wish I could go back to high school and start over. I got good grades at high school. I passed my GCSEs with 3 As (Math, RE and Textiles), 3 Bs (English Language, English Literature and French), 2 Cs (Double Science) and a GNVQ Merit in ICT. I went to college to study childcare because thats what I wanted a career in, but my health and attendance meant I didnt finish. I passed everything I completed, but I was months behind. If I could do it over, I'd take A levels in subjects which were less practical, and could be studied from hospital more easily.
10. I do send far too many text messages. At least 2000 a month. On a quiet month. Lol! And I love it when I have 'Good morning' messages when I wake up. Its one of the little things I miss from being in a relationship. I would always have a 'good morning' and 'good night'. And the cute little text messages, to say 'I love you', or 'I miss you'. I'm also guilty of saving messages to read when I'm feeling miserable. =) Lol.
11. I always fall for the wrong guys. I think thats true of a lot of girls, I suppose. But I definately have a talent for it.
12. My lung function is now at a level where I almost certainly wont be having children of my own, unless I get magically better. Being a mum is the one thing I've always imagined myself doing, it comes naturally, I love being around children. It upsets me, but I'm dealing with it. It means I have even more love for the children of my friends, particularly Liz's little girl, Evie. And if Ryan ever has children, I will be the greatest Auntie EVER. =)
13. I am very close to my Mum. And it is rare that we fight. But when we do, we really go for it. We do it in style. LOL! I love her a lot though. And I love my Dad. I have amazing parents, I couldnt ask for anything more.
14. I take a lot of photos. I would love to one day take some kind of course, and learn how to do all kinds of fancy stuff, because I do enjoy trying to be creative.
15. I keep things. Lots of things. I have pictures and letters from a CF friend, Shahara, who passed away when I was about 15. I have artwork and notes from a patient (and her parents) I befriended on the childrens ward, who was 2 at the time. I have good luck cards from my GCSEs, and get well cards from my college friends and the nursery where I was on placement. I have notes from Pete, and cards from Megz on my wall in my room. As well as a christmas card from Stiv, because he drew a tigger in it. And a christmas card from Nick, which I treasure because he wrote it himself, despite the fact his eyesight was failing, and he could barely hold a pen. He wanted to write it. He passed away on the 23rd December.
16. Joint pain had ruined my handwriting. I used to have the most amazing hadwriting, but now it hurts to hold a pen for longer than a couple of minutes. =(
17. I drink an insane amount of Orange Lucozade. It cant possibly be healthy. But its so good, and it hasnt killed me yet. Haha.
18. Sun burn sucks. (I got burnt on my chest today... Its irritating me. Lots.)
19. I cannot swim. Its something I hate myself for, because I LOVE the pool. I'm slightly afraid of water, but I do love swimming pools. Not logical, I know. Lol. I also LOVE the smell of swimming pools.
20. I'm very easily pleased. I dont need big fancy gestures. And I'm a complete romantic at heart. I'd love to walk along the beach, or the river, or through the park, hand in hand, on a warm summers evening, and then lay and stare at the stars.
Soppy, I know. =/ But ah well.
Showing posts with label Megz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Megz. Show all posts
23 April 2011
20 April 2011
Sunshine, Doctors and the better side of CF
I love the sunshine!
So so much. =)
I finally, after weeks of needing to, went and sorted myself out a GP appointment today to go through all my repeat prescription stuff, and make sure the GP and Papworth have lists that match.
Technically, this isnt my job. Because Papworth always tell them about all my changes. But unless I physically sit with the Dr and watch him change each thing in the computer, nothing gets updated. Lol.
They shouldnt be too far off. I think its only the inhalers and calcium that have changed since I last did it. =/ But who knows. Lol. Papworth are always changing something.
I've had 2 people say they'll do the Adidas 5k with me in London in September! So it looks like I'll be doing it now. =)
Once I get there I'll know plenty of people. But it was to travelling to and from London alone that bothered me. So now I have friends! YAY!
Ashridge walk is getting scarily close now. And yet so far away too. 2 and a half weeks is far too long, because I can so easily get ill in that space of time! LoL! I want to get it over and done with while I'm feeling fairly good! Haha.
We've raised just over £370 now in sponsor money, which I'm very pleased with! =)
My sinuses are still driving me insane. Some days are worse than others. Last night I was back to being in tears with pain, and barely able to even see. Today has been slightly better.
I still cant stop the painkillers though, or its unbearable. =/ Not ideal. Especially not with my liver.
Oh well.
I'll get there in the end. I always do.
I'm trying to accept that things wont ever be perfect. And I just have to make the best of it all.
Of course, some days thats easier to accept than others. Some days I want to scream, and cry, and punch things. (Which of course doesnt help, just means I'm more breathless than usual... Lol.) On the good days its easier to just try and accept everything. I guess thats what keeps you sane on the bad days. If I was just constantly angry and upset, I'd never survive, I'd go insane.
The good helps balance the bad, and so we continue...
Just have to keep reminding myself that yes, this is rubbish, and its not particularly fair, but its also not the worst thing in the world. I have my family, I have my friends, I have a safe and loving home, and I have food and water. Some people dont have that.
Plus, as much as I hate CF, it has had its positives.
I've grown up with a more understanding attitude towards other people I think. I try to be thoughtful of other peoples feelings.
I've met some amazing people through being in hospital. With and without CF. I've learnt a lot from them. About health, about life, and about everything else too.
I'm far closer to my parents, in particular my Mum, than a lot of people my age. Shes put up with a lot for me, and given up a lot to make sure I have the best life possible. I love my Parents so much.
I've made some truly amazing friends. I wouldnt have met Ellis or Danni if I hadnt been in hospital. I wouldnt know Stiv, or Pete, or Megz, or Tori, or so many amazing people if it wasnt for the fact I have CF. And to be honest I cant imagine a life without ANY of them. Stiv and Pete in particular, I can tell ANYTHING to, and there arent many people in the world I trust more than them.
I love my CF friends just as much as all my other friends. I care about them just as much, and they've made my life better in so many ways.
They understand me in different ways, better in many ways than my other friends, and even my family can. I can laugh with them, cry with them, and they are just as important to me.
Theyve taught me that I'm not alone. And I love each of them a lot for that.
I would make an awesome nurse. Or pharmacist. ;) HAHA!
I know far too many drugs, and can pretty much diagnose and prescribe treatment for half the things my family get wrong with them. Hehe.
I've also learnt to appreciate the work of medical staff so much more. As much as they can be annoying, and frustrating, they are working tirelessly to take care of other people.
Especially nurses, who have to do their own job, and being on the frontline, take all the blows from the patients when they get fed up, and keep the familys happy, and still keep a smile on their face.
CF has given me a sense of humour. I have learnt to laugh at things that would worry or shock other people. I often get asked by people how I can laugh about things.
Its simple. Laugh, or cry. I'd go insane if I didnt learn to laugh at myself. Lol.
Although I have lost friends to CF, its taught me to appreciate life, and friendship. I miss them everyday, but it gives me something to focus on. However bad things get, I have this overwhelming desire to live my life, and do the things they didnt have the chance to do. I dont want them to see me wasting what I have.
I try to appreciate everything, however small. And I'm easily pleased.
Sometimes its hard to show, but deep down, I know I'm lucky really.
I'm here, I'm safe, and I'm loved.
Lovelove xx
So so much. =)
I finally, after weeks of needing to, went and sorted myself out a GP appointment today to go through all my repeat prescription stuff, and make sure the GP and Papworth have lists that match.
Technically, this isnt my job. Because Papworth always tell them about all my changes. But unless I physically sit with the Dr and watch him change each thing in the computer, nothing gets updated. Lol.
They shouldnt be too far off. I think its only the inhalers and calcium that have changed since I last did it. =/ But who knows. Lol. Papworth are always changing something.
I've had 2 people say they'll do the Adidas 5k with me in London in September! So it looks like I'll be doing it now. =)
Once I get there I'll know plenty of people. But it was to travelling to and from London alone that bothered me. So now I have friends! YAY!
Ashridge walk is getting scarily close now. And yet so far away too. 2 and a half weeks is far too long, because I can so easily get ill in that space of time! LoL! I want to get it over and done with while I'm feeling fairly good! Haha.
We've raised just over £370 now in sponsor money, which I'm very pleased with! =)
My sinuses are still driving me insane. Some days are worse than others. Last night I was back to being in tears with pain, and barely able to even see. Today has been slightly better.
I still cant stop the painkillers though, or its unbearable. =/ Not ideal. Especially not with my liver.
Oh well.
I'll get there in the end. I always do.
I'm trying to accept that things wont ever be perfect. And I just have to make the best of it all.
Of course, some days thats easier to accept than others. Some days I want to scream, and cry, and punch things. (Which of course doesnt help, just means I'm more breathless than usual... Lol.) On the good days its easier to just try and accept everything. I guess thats what keeps you sane on the bad days. If I was just constantly angry and upset, I'd never survive, I'd go insane.
The good helps balance the bad, and so we continue...
Just have to keep reminding myself that yes, this is rubbish, and its not particularly fair, but its also not the worst thing in the world. I have my family, I have my friends, I have a safe and loving home, and I have food and water. Some people dont have that.
Plus, as much as I hate CF, it has had its positives.
I've grown up with a more understanding attitude towards other people I think. I try to be thoughtful of other peoples feelings.
I've met some amazing people through being in hospital. With and without CF. I've learnt a lot from them. About health, about life, and about everything else too.
I'm far closer to my parents, in particular my Mum, than a lot of people my age. Shes put up with a lot for me, and given up a lot to make sure I have the best life possible. I love my Parents so much.
I've made some truly amazing friends. I wouldnt have met Ellis or Danni if I hadnt been in hospital. I wouldnt know Stiv, or Pete, or Megz, or Tori, or so many amazing people if it wasnt for the fact I have CF. And to be honest I cant imagine a life without ANY of them. Stiv and Pete in particular, I can tell ANYTHING to, and there arent many people in the world I trust more than them.
I love my CF friends just as much as all my other friends. I care about them just as much, and they've made my life better in so many ways.
They understand me in different ways, better in many ways than my other friends, and even my family can. I can laugh with them, cry with them, and they are just as important to me.
Theyve taught me that I'm not alone. And I love each of them a lot for that.
I would make an awesome nurse. Or pharmacist. ;) HAHA!
I know far too many drugs, and can pretty much diagnose and prescribe treatment for half the things my family get wrong with them. Hehe.
I've also learnt to appreciate the work of medical staff so much more. As much as they can be annoying, and frustrating, they are working tirelessly to take care of other people.
Especially nurses, who have to do their own job, and being on the frontline, take all the blows from the patients when they get fed up, and keep the familys happy, and still keep a smile on their face.
CF has given me a sense of humour. I have learnt to laugh at things that would worry or shock other people. I often get asked by people how I can laugh about things.
Its simple. Laugh, or cry. I'd go insane if I didnt learn to laugh at myself. Lol.
Although I have lost friends to CF, its taught me to appreciate life, and friendship. I miss them everyday, but it gives me something to focus on. However bad things get, I have this overwhelming desire to live my life, and do the things they didnt have the chance to do. I dont want them to see me wasting what I have.
I try to appreciate everything, however small. And I'm easily pleased.
Sometimes its hard to show, but deep down, I know I'm lucky really.
I'm here, I'm safe, and I'm loved.
Lovelove xx
26 February 2011
Meh = Best. Word. Ever.
I love the word 'Meh'.
If it can be classed as a word, I guess its more a sound. But either way. Its just so great, it can mean whatever the hell you want it to.
I was very impressed with Snail Mail yesterday. Megz got a letter I sent her yesterday, and I didnt even post it until like, half 5 thursday evening. That was one bloody speedy snail!
If you needed something to arrive that fast, it'd take like a week.
Glad it got there though. And I managed to refrain from sending her take away leaflets. I'll save those for Petey, he did love it when I posted him all the cut out pictures from a kebab leaflet. Mwahaha!
=)
Still struggling with Pain. Bad times.
Every time I eat, I'm in agony about 20 minutes later. Its a nightmare. Plus my appetites been really good recently, and I'd just got the dietician off my back! So now I'm hungry, until I've eaten, then I want to cry. I get to either be hungry, or in pain because I ate.
I'm not really a fan of either option if I'm being honest. Lol.
Last night was a rough one, was in a lot of pain with my stomach, and my head was pounding. And for some reason my mind was away with the fairies, thinking about everything, far too much. I pretty much cried myself to sleep I think.
My minds on the ex a lot too. Still struggling to find closure on that one. If anyones got any pointers, feel free to let me know. Lol.
Everytime I think I'm moving forward, I take a few steps back. It was definately the right decision. Its just a big change.
Now I've had time to get over all the crap, and the bad memories, I'm left with all the good stuff, and that hurts more. =/
I'll get there, I guess.
Went shopping with the parents today. They went to look for a new hoover, because we broke ours a while ago, and we made do with this tiny little stupid thing, we had for the car and stuff. Which is not at all practical for hoovering a whole house. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. Haha. Exciting day.
Totally went into Toys R Us, just to stalk Emma while we were out. No idea where she was though. We found her brother, but no Emma!! How rude, she could at least be around when we try to stalk her, her car was outside and everything!
Lovelove xx
Oh and...
http://www.justgiving.com/Danielle-Canavan0
(Just in case some rich person comes across my page... Lol.)
If it can be classed as a word, I guess its more a sound. But either way. Its just so great, it can mean whatever the hell you want it to.
I was very impressed with Snail Mail yesterday. Megz got a letter I sent her yesterday, and I didnt even post it until like, half 5 thursday evening. That was one bloody speedy snail!
If you needed something to arrive that fast, it'd take like a week.
Glad it got there though. And I managed to refrain from sending her take away leaflets. I'll save those for Petey, he did love it when I posted him all the cut out pictures from a kebab leaflet. Mwahaha!
=)
Still struggling with Pain. Bad times.
Every time I eat, I'm in agony about 20 minutes later. Its a nightmare. Plus my appetites been really good recently, and I'd just got the dietician off my back! So now I'm hungry, until I've eaten, then I want to cry. I get to either be hungry, or in pain because I ate.
I'm not really a fan of either option if I'm being honest. Lol.
Last night was a rough one, was in a lot of pain with my stomach, and my head was pounding. And for some reason my mind was away with the fairies, thinking about everything, far too much. I pretty much cried myself to sleep I think.
My minds on the ex a lot too. Still struggling to find closure on that one. If anyones got any pointers, feel free to let me know. Lol.
Everytime I think I'm moving forward, I take a few steps back. It was definately the right decision. Its just a big change.
Now I've had time to get over all the crap, and the bad memories, I'm left with all the good stuff, and that hurts more. =/
I'll get there, I guess.
Went shopping with the parents today. They went to look for a new hoover, because we broke ours a while ago, and we made do with this tiny little stupid thing, we had for the car and stuff. Which is not at all practical for hoovering a whole house. That was pretty much the highlight of my day. Haha. Exciting day.
Totally went into Toys R Us, just to stalk Emma while we were out. No idea where she was though. We found her brother, but no Emma!! How rude, she could at least be around when we try to stalk her, her car was outside and everything!
Lovelove xx
Oh and...
http://www.justgiving.com/Danielle-Canavan0
(Just in case some rich person comes across my page... Lol.)
23 February 2011
Clinic
So, had clinic this morning.
It wasnt great, but.. It wasnt terrible for a change!! Which really does make a change for me. Lol.
Managed to get a lung function of 55%! Dont ask me how, because my lungs dont FEEL like they're working that well. Haha. It was a bit flukey to be fair, I had one good blow, and then another 5 trying to match it, which wasnt happening. Lol. They were all sat stubbornly at 42/43%.
But anyway, regardless of those numbers. The fact remains that I feel fairly rough, I've picked up a cough, which is waking me up repeatedly during the night, constant tiredness and lack of energy, and I had a couple of small bleeds at the weekend.
The consultant thinks the cough and the blood are probably a sign that we're about to hit that downhill slope again. So they're going to admit me in 2 weeks time, so I can get a week of IVs in before my annual review, and keep on top of things.
So another 2 weeks of Papworth next month... Oh yay. Lol.
It was nice to actually have a Doctor who listened to me. Some of them see a decent lung function, and thats it. You must be fine, no matter how you feel. I had one doctor who refused to let me start home IVs because my lung function hadnt dropped. I went back a week later and it was down 18%.
I generally know myself well enough to know whether I'm right or not. The consultants know that. The registrars, not so much. Lol.
On the plus side, all this shouldnt interfere with our night out on the 5th. A load of us girlies from college are going out to Nando's, which should be a laugh. It'll be good to see everyone. =)
I need a night out.
AND I shouldnt be in for Pancake day... Which is clearly very important! Haha. I missed it last year!
And I would be totally gutted to be in hospital for pancake day, after all my discussions with Meg about pancakes!
NOMNOMNOM!
It wasnt great, but.. It wasnt terrible for a change!! Which really does make a change for me. Lol.
Managed to get a lung function of 55%! Dont ask me how, because my lungs dont FEEL like they're working that well. Haha. It was a bit flukey to be fair, I had one good blow, and then another 5 trying to match it, which wasnt happening. Lol. They were all sat stubbornly at 42/43%.
But anyway, regardless of those numbers. The fact remains that I feel fairly rough, I've picked up a cough, which is waking me up repeatedly during the night, constant tiredness and lack of energy, and I had a couple of small bleeds at the weekend.
The consultant thinks the cough and the blood are probably a sign that we're about to hit that downhill slope again. So they're going to admit me in 2 weeks time, so I can get a week of IVs in before my annual review, and keep on top of things.
So another 2 weeks of Papworth next month... Oh yay. Lol.
It was nice to actually have a Doctor who listened to me. Some of them see a decent lung function, and thats it. You must be fine, no matter how you feel. I had one doctor who refused to let me start home IVs because my lung function hadnt dropped. I went back a week later and it was down 18%.
I generally know myself well enough to know whether I'm right or not. The consultants know that. The registrars, not so much. Lol.
On the plus side, all this shouldnt interfere with our night out on the 5th. A load of us girlies from college are going out to Nando's, which should be a laugh. It'll be good to see everyone. =)
I need a night out.
AND I shouldnt be in for Pancake day... Which is clearly very important! Haha. I missed it last year!
And I would be totally gutted to be in hospital for pancake day, after all my discussions with Meg about pancakes!
NOMNOMNOM!
21 February 2011
13 February 2011
Boredom makes me copy Megz
So, I'm bored.
Very bored.
And because of this, I am going to steal Megs' idea, and dedicate this post to the things in life which make me happy.
Prepare yourself for the randomness that lives inside my head. Lol.
=)
- My Mum. Shes my best friend in the whole world. I know that whatever happens, she'll be right there. We fall out sometimes, we drive each other insane, but we love each other unconditionally.
- My Dad. I dont know what I'd do without him. He keeps me going. He can always make me smile, regardless of how I feel or whats going on. I love him so much.
- Ryan. Hes my little brother. And we definately have the usual sibling relationship thing going on. But hes amazing, I know if I need him, he'll be there, even if he does moan about it. Lol. Also, I love our lazy days when hes at home. Hanging out with a pizza, and the disney channel, and acting like complete children.
- My cat. I take farrrr too many pictures of my cat. He is more like my child than my pet. Hes so cute, and its like magic, how he always seems to know when I'm ill or sad.
- The fact that Pete Franklin loves my cat far more than he loves me. ;)
- The smell of freshly made hot chocolate.
- Tea. I take after my dad. I cannot function without many cups of tea.
- Tigger. Totally does not need explaining. Its TIGGER! <3
- Haircuts. For some reason, having your hair done, seems to make everything better temporarily.
- Long showers. Same reaons as above.
- Unexpected text messages. Especially the cute kind that show someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.
- Being home alone, music up loud, and singing and dancing around like an idiot.
- Random conversations with friends, that the rest of the world would find completely confusing, or scary! And getting a text message/facebook message/status comment and thinking, 'why do i love this loser?' <3
- Hugs.
- Memories. Remembering something, and not being able to help smiling. =)
- Those special friends, who you know, no matter what the time is, or how insignificant the problem may seem to the rest of the world, they'll be there.
- The sunshine. Theres just something about the sun that makes everything better. And everything looks that bit more beautiful in the sunshine.
- Monkeys. But really, who doesnt love monkeys? ;)
Very bored.
And because of this, I am going to steal Megs' idea, and dedicate this post to the things in life which make me happy.
Prepare yourself for the randomness that lives inside my head. Lol.
=)
- My Mum. Shes my best friend in the whole world. I know that whatever happens, she'll be right there. We fall out sometimes, we drive each other insane, but we love each other unconditionally.
- My Dad. I dont know what I'd do without him. He keeps me going. He can always make me smile, regardless of how I feel or whats going on. I love him so much.
- Ryan. Hes my little brother. And we definately have the usual sibling relationship thing going on. But hes amazing, I know if I need him, he'll be there, even if he does moan about it. Lol. Also, I love our lazy days when hes at home. Hanging out with a pizza, and the disney channel, and acting like complete children.
- My cat. I take farrrr too many pictures of my cat. He is more like my child than my pet. Hes so cute, and its like magic, how he always seems to know when I'm ill or sad.
- The fact that Pete Franklin loves my cat far more than he loves me. ;)
- The smell of freshly made hot chocolate.
- Tea. I take after my dad. I cannot function without many cups of tea.
- Tigger. Totally does not need explaining. Its TIGGER! <3
- Haircuts. For some reason, having your hair done, seems to make everything better temporarily.
- Long showers. Same reaons as above.
- Unexpected text messages. Especially the cute kind that show someone, somewhere, is thinking of you.
- Being home alone, music up loud, and singing and dancing around like an idiot.
- Random conversations with friends, that the rest of the world would find completely confusing, or scary! And getting a text message/facebook message/status comment and thinking, 'why do i love this loser?' <3
- Hugs.
- Memories. Remembering something, and not being able to help smiling. =)
- Those special friends, who you know, no matter what the time is, or how insignificant the problem may seem to the rest of the world, they'll be there.
- The sunshine. Theres just something about the sun that makes everything better. And everything looks that bit more beautiful in the sunshine.
- Monkeys. But really, who doesnt love monkeys? ;)
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