20 Facts About Moi.

So this is something I'd seen someone else do. And decided to kill some time with myself...

1. I am insanely emotional. I feel everything so passionately. And I cry far too much. Not just when I'm sad, but also when I'm scared, when I'm happy, when I'm relieved, when I'm angry... Just all the bloody time.

2. I love to read. I would rather read a book than watch a film any day. Using your imagination to create a world in your own head, and then develop each character, make them your own, watch them grow, learn to love them or loathe them... I'd created my own narnia, long before the films came out. =) I've always loved to sit and escape into a world within the pages of a book, and I always will. Its got a magic of its own.

3. I love a good disney movie. I love the way the bad guys always lose in the end, and the good guys always win. I love the way everything always works out, and everyone is happy, and everything is beautiful. I love the way singing fixes everything. I love the happily ever after.

4. I love summer evenings. When the sun has gone, but its still warm enough to be comfortable outside. I love listening to the birds singing to each other.

5. I also love watching the sun set.

6. I am scared of Moths. I will run. I will scream. If there is a moth in my room, I wont go to bed. I panic, and my heart races. Despite the fact I KNOW they cant hurt me. I think its the way moths have no fear. They are quite happy to fly straight into your face.

7. I love my cat, far more than is probably considered normal. I also take far too many pictures of him. Because hes always either being cute, or stupid, both of which are fun to photograph.

8. The person I feel closest too in the entire world, lives 250 miles away, and I've never met in person... Strange? Maybe. But I would trust him with my life. I cant imagine not having him as a part of my life. I wouldnt want to.

9. I wish I could go back to high school and start over. I got good grades at high school. I passed my GCSEs with 3 As (Math, RE and Textiles), 3 Bs (English Language, English Literature and French), 2 Cs (Double Science) and a GNVQ Merit in ICT. I went to college to study childcare because thats what I wanted a career in, but my health and attendance meant I didnt finish. I passed everything I completed, but I was months behind. If I could do it over, I'd take A levels in subjects which were less practical, and could be studied from hospital more easily.

10. I do send far too many text messages. At least 2000 a month. On a quiet month. Lol! And I love it when I have 'Good morning' messages when I wake up. Its one of the little things I miss from being in a relationship. I would always have a 'good morning' and 'good night'. And the cute little text messages, to say 'I love you', or 'I miss you'. I'm also guilty of saving messages to read when I'm feeling miserable. =) Lol.

11. I always fall for the wrong guys. I think thats true of a lot of girls, I suppose. But I definately have a talent for it.

12. My lung function is now at a level where I almost certainly wont be having children of my own, unless I get magically better. Being a mum is the one thing I've always imagined myself doing, it comes naturally, I love being around children. It upsets me, but I'm dealing with it. It means I have even more love for the children of my friends, particularly Liz's little girl, Evie. And if Ryan ever has children, I will be the greatest Auntie EVER. =)

13. I am very close to my Mum. And it is rare that we fight. But when we do, we really go for it. We do it in style. LOL! I love her a lot though. And I love my Dad. I have amazing parents, I couldnt ask for anything more.

14. I take a lot of photos. I would love to one day take some kind of course, and learn how to do all kinds of fancy stuff, because I do enjoy trying to be creative.

15. I keep things. Lots of things. I have pictures and letters from a CF friend, Shahara, who passed away when I was about 15. I have artwork and notes from a patient (and her parents) I befriended on the childrens ward, who was 2 at the time. I have good luck cards from my GCSEs, and get well cards from my college friends and the nursery where I was on placement. I have notes from Pete, and cards from Megz on my wall in my room. As well as a christmas card from Stiv, because he drew a tigger in it. And a christmas card from Nick, which I treasure because he wrote it himself, despite the fact his eyesight was failing, and he could barely hold a pen. He wanted to write it. He passed away on the 23rd December.

16. Joint pain had ruined my handwriting. I used to have the most amazing hadwriting, but now it hurts to hold a pen for longer than a couple of minutes. =(

17. I drink an insane amount of Orange Lucozade. It cant possibly be healthy. But its so good, and it hasnt killed me yet. Haha.

18. Sun burn sucks. (I got burnt on my chest today... Its irritating me. Lots.)

19. I cannot swim. Its something I hate myself for, because I LOVE the pool. I'm slightly afraid of water, but I do love swimming pools. Not logical, I know. Lol. I also LOVE the smell of swimming pools.

20. I'm very easily pleased. I dont need big fancy gestures. And I'm a complete romantic at heart. I'd love to walk along the beach, or the river, or through the park, hand in hand, on a warm summers evening, and then lay and stare at the stars.
Soppy, I know. =/ But ah well.

Tan lines and other stuffzz.

I cant believe how awesome the weather has been the last few days! I've spent so much time sat in the garden, reading or listening to music, or just listening to the birds sing or the children up the road laughing. =) Its lovely.

I got tan lines today!
This is quite an achievement for me! I usually go from pale, to burnt and back to pale again. With no tanned stage in between. But today I have very definite tan lines! Haha. YAY! Slightly burnt on my chest, and my shoulders though. =/ Lol.

Ryans birthday tomorrow! Well, in under an hour now! Scary.
My little brother is all grown up now.
Still my little brother though. Bless him.
He bought me 3 Kinder Buenos yesterday. Because I didnt want an easter egg. I dont really like chocolate much, which is weird I know. I just dont. I'd rather have sweets, or crisps. But he knows I've had a slight obsession with them recently.
He can be sweet. When he wants to... Thats just not very often. Haha!

I'm still waiting patiently for any kind of response from the ESA forms I sent off. Its only been 3 weeks, but just some kind of acknowledgement would be nice. Meh. =/

Urgh, on a side note, why are matters of the heart so damn complicated!! GAH!
Love, and relationships, and all related topics... They all just cause so much heartache.
Why cant it be like the movies. Where everyone just sings to each other, and lives happily ever after? =) Lol

Lovelove xx

Oh, just over 2 weeks til our walk!!
I'm actually looking forward to it, because this weather has me feeling pretty good, and I'm actually feeling rather positive about it all. =)

http://www.justgiving.com/Danielle-Canavan0

Sunshine, Doctors and the better side of CF

I love the sunshine!
So so much. =)

I finally, after weeks of needing to, went and sorted myself out a GP appointment today to go through all my repeat prescription stuff, and make sure the GP and Papworth have lists that match.
Technically, this isnt my job. Because Papworth always tell them about all my changes. But unless I physically sit with the Dr and watch him change each thing in the computer, nothing gets updated. Lol.
They shouldnt be too far off. I think its only the inhalers and calcium that have changed since I last did it. =/ But who knows. Lol. Papworth are always changing something.

I've had 2 people say they'll do the Adidas 5k with me in London in September! So it looks like I'll be doing it now. =)
Once I get there I'll know plenty of people. But it was to travelling to and from London alone that bothered me. So now I have friends! YAY!

Ashridge walk is getting scarily close now. And yet so far away too. 2 and a half weeks is far too long, because I can so easily get ill in that space of time! LoL! I want to get it over and done with while I'm feeling fairly good! Haha.
We've raised just over £370 now in sponsor money, which I'm very pleased with! =)

My sinuses are still driving me insane. Some days are worse than others. Last night I was back to being in tears with pain, and barely able to even see. Today has been slightly better.
I still cant stop the painkillers though, or its unbearable. =/ Not ideal. Especially not with my liver.

Oh well.

I'll get there in the end. I always do.

I'm trying to accept that things wont ever be perfect. And I just have to make the best of it all.
Of course, some days thats easier to accept than others. Some days I want to scream, and cry, and punch things. (Which of course doesnt help, just means I'm more breathless than usual... Lol.) On the good days its easier to just try and accept everything. I guess thats what keeps you sane on the bad days. If I was just constantly angry and upset, I'd never survive, I'd go insane.
The good helps balance the bad, and so we continue...

Just have to keep reminding myself that yes, this is rubbish, and its not particularly fair, but its also not the worst thing in the world. I have my family, I have my friends, I have a safe and loving home, and I have food and water. Some people dont have that.

Plus, as much as I hate CF, it has had its positives.

I've grown up with a more understanding attitude towards other people I think. I try to be thoughtful of other peoples feelings.

I've met some amazing people through being in hospital. With and without CF. I've learnt a lot from them. About health, about life, and about everything else too.

I'm far closer to my parents, in particular my Mum, than a lot of people my age. Shes put up with a lot for me, and given up a lot to make sure I have the best life possible. I love my Parents so much.

I've made some truly amazing friends. I wouldnt have met Ellis or Danni if I hadnt been in hospital. I wouldnt know Stiv, or Pete, or Megz, or Tori, or so many amazing people if it wasnt for the fact I have CF. And to be honest I cant imagine a life without ANY of them. Stiv and Pete in particular, I can tell ANYTHING to, and there arent many people in the world I trust more than them.
I love my CF friends just as much as all my other friends. I care about them just as much, and they've made my life better in so many ways.
They understand me in different ways, better in many ways than my other friends, and even my family can. I can laugh with them, cry with them, and they are just as important to me.
Theyve taught me that I'm not alone. And I love each of them a lot for that.

I would make an awesome nurse. Or pharmacist. ;) HAHA!
I know far too many drugs, and can pretty much diagnose and prescribe treatment for half the things my family get wrong with them. Hehe.

I've also learnt to appreciate the work of medical staff so much more. As much as they can be annoying, and frustrating, they are working tirelessly to take care of other people.
Especially nurses, who have to do their own job, and being on the frontline, take all the blows from the patients when they get fed up, and keep the familys happy, and still keep a smile on their face.

CF has given me a sense of humour. I have learnt to laugh at things that would worry or shock other people. I often get asked by people how I can laugh about things.
Its simple. Laugh, or cry. I'd go insane if I didnt learn to laugh at myself. Lol.

Although I have lost friends to CF, its taught me to appreciate life, and friendship. I miss them everyday, but it gives me something to focus on. However bad things get, I have this overwhelming desire to live my life, and do the things they didnt have the chance to do. I dont want them to see me wasting what I have.

I try to appreciate everything, however small. And I'm easily pleased.
Sometimes its hard to show, but deep down, I know I'm lucky really.
I'm here, I'm safe, and I'm loved.

Lovelove xx

Awakeee

Wide awake at bedtime again. *Rolls eyes*

My own fault though, I slept most the day away. Oops.

I went out last night. A friend of mums from work, her husband had a retirement/birthday party. And as dad was doing the disco with Ryan, and mum was going, I got invited along.
I wasnt too sure on whether I wanted to go to be honest. I know a lot of mums work friends, and they're lovely, but they're all older than me, and I wasnt sure what it would be like, or if I'd enjoy myself.
But in the end, I didnt fancy sitting home alone either, so I decided to go. It wasnt too far from home anyway, if I decided I wanted to escape.
But I went. And I kept an open mind, rather than telling myself it would be rubbish.

It was an awesome night though!
Had several drinks. Enough to get happy, giggly drunk, but not stupidly drunk. And danced the night away! Its the first time I've had a proper dance, and enjoyed myself like that in a very long time! I even wore heels. Thats a first since August I think! Lol.
I dont usually wear heels, because I'm 5ft 7 already, which generally makes me taller than most my friends. Lol.
Mums work friends may be older than me, but that certainly doesnt stop them!

Today though.
Today I suffered. =/
This is the bit that drags me down again. A few hours of enjoying myself, and now I'll suffer for days.
Always have to make a choice. Like I couldve gone to Ashridge with my friends today, but I wasnt well enough. So I couldnt go.
Just once it'd be nice to be able to do both, like my friends can.

Then I got annoyed by a friend. Who was comparing how quickly they can walk a km with how fast I can. And they're faster, despite having a lower lung function.
But theyve also had a lower lung function for much longer. Whereas mine has dropped 20% in the last 6 months or so. My body is still struggling to adapt.
Being told that you need to be faster for the sponsored walk you're doing and you could do better if you put in 100% is not helpful sometimes. =/
Its wasnt meant spitefully or anything. Just trying to show me that I can get better if anything I think, bit of encouragement and hope. But it really really got to me in a way they wouldnt realise.

So I sat and I cried. Until I fell asleep, because I already felt rough, and tired and was in pain.
Hence the being awake now. Meh.

I am stressing more about this walk than I'd like to let on. I'm terrified that I'm gonna struggle too much. Or start coughing up blood half way up a hill, cos I usually save these things for the least convenient moments.
I have to do it. Partly because I've been sponsored, but mainly because I'm bloody determined, and I WANT to do it.
All my reasons for originally deciding to do this still stand. I've still lost people who meant the world to me. And my friends are still fighting CF. Nothing has changed. So I'm still doing this.

I can do it. I can do anything I put my mind to. Marc taught me this, and I believe in him, even if I dont always believe in myself so much.

Haha, and despite all the stress, I still want to do Race for Life in June. I've wanted to do it for a few years, but I never have, and I've always done Relay for Life. This year I wont be taking part in Relay, so I am determined to do Race.
In memory of Lyndsey, my friend from school. And in honour of all the people who fight cancer each day, and each year.

And I still want to take part in the Adidas Womens 5k Challenge in Hyde Park in September for the CF Trust.
Its a little more realistic than this crazy 10km stuff I'm doing in 3 weeks. Haha. And if I can find some people who wish to join me, I will probably go for it.

I've kinda thrown myself into fundraising stuff recently.
With each person that passes away, the more determined I am. I want to see a cure. Or at least some kind of treatment. Whatever that may be.
Even if its not something that will be able to help me, I want to see it. I want all the little babies, and children, and all the future CF patients to lead happy and healthy lives, and have their own families.

I dont know if thats realistic or not really. But hey, no one ever said dreams and hopes had to be realistic.

Oh, and then tonight I had a random moment. Dad was messing around outside, while I was watching in my bedroom window.
He cut a glowstick open... And made pretty patterns on the floor. Haha! Much picture taking ensued...





This has been kinda long and rambly. I'm not sure how much makes sense tbh. Apologies. Lol.

Lovelove xx

Ryans 18th =) And stuff.

I cant believe that in 8 days, my little brother is going to be 18!
I guess that in some ways, he seems older, just because I dont always think of him as my 'little' brother. He's 6ft 3, and he just doesnt seem the kind of person who needs looking after. Lol.
But in others, he is very much my little brother.
I'd do anything to protect him, and keep him from getting hurt. And for all we fight and argue, I love him to bits.

Hes not doing much for his 18th, because he wants to save the money for his car. Bless him. It'll be nice now hes 18 though. Just to go down the pub if we want to. =) And it means he can come to the Charity night down the pub if he wants. Yay.

My sinuses are still very much driving me insane. They arent allowed to be bad, because I have too much going on this summer! I cannot schedule surgery time! Lol. I'm supposed to stay home for 2 weeks after... Because they cannot cover a wound thats inside your nasal passages, and its an infection risk.
I dont want to give up 2 weeks of my summer! LOL!

My breathing is kinda dodgy too.
Its hard to explain really. When I'm just sitting around, not doing anything to use any energy, I feel really great.
Then I move...
Haha.

I hoovered the living room today, and I was half dead. And walking home with mum, after meeting her at work... Its only about a 5 minute walk, but I had to stop twice. The second time I was so out of breath and dizzy that I could see about 4 of everything. =/ Not great.

I'm sooooooooo fed up of having no money. Its driving me mad. I've heard nothing from the ESA people. And the DLA people had just sent me a letter to acknowledge receiving my forms, and tell me it could be up to 11 weeks for a decision.
I wish I could get my health under control enough to work. I WANT to work. I dont want to be on benefits. GAH! But unfortunately, until I can stop being ill constantly, and in hospital so much, its not even an option.
I'm sure people just think I'm lazy. =/ I spent 21 weeks on IVs last year. Its not laziness. Its not a choice.
So why do I still feel so guilty? Lol.

xx

Glee - Get It Right

Get It Right - YouTube

I am completely in love with this song at the minute. I dont know why I just am.
Some of the lyrics are just amazing. Because everyone has times when they feel like this about something or someone.

♫ What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it right ♫

xx